Straight talk about cyberstalking

Technology opens our lives up in ways that weren't possible even less than a decade ago. My children laugh themselves silly when they hear me nostalgic about the days when we pulled over to the side of the road to use a public pay phone, or called someone on the phone for directions ("What? No mobile phone? No GPS navigation?"). Today you can chat with someone whether they're in the next room or in another country with ease, via a variety of technologies. It's all fast and amazing.

On the flip side of that good fortune is that same technology has also provided a way for people to do bad things.

What is cyberstalking?

Simply put, is online stalking. Cyberstalking has been defined as the use of technology, particularly the Internet, to harass someone. Common characteristics include false accusations, monitoring, threats, identity theft, and data destruction or manipulation. Cyberstalking also includes exploitation of minors, be it sexual or otherwise.

The harassment can take on many forms, but the common denominator is that it's unwanted, often obsessive, and usually illegal. Cyberstalkers use email, instant messages, phone calls, and other communication devices to stalk, whether it takes the form of sexual harassment, inappropriate contact, or just plain annoying attention to your life and your family's activities.

Kids use the term "stalking" to describe following someone's activities via their social network. My own children accuse me of being their "stalker" for keeping tabs on their digital lives. It's important that we not devalue the serious nature of the crime of cyberstalking by using the term incorrectly. A recent television commercial for a major cellular provider depicts a young woman spying on her crush through his bedroom window while she monitors his online activities on her cell phone. While it's meant to be a humorous ad, it's extremely unsettling when stalking occurs in the real world. Even in the Netflix show titled ‘You’, the woman’s love interest has been secretly stalking her (both physically and online), manipulating her into thinking he is the perfect man for her throughout their relationship. It brought up important conversations around cyberstalking and an important fact about cyberstalking; it is often perpetrated not by strangers, but by someone you know. It could be an ex, a former friend, or just someone who wants to bother you and your family in an inappropriate way.

How Cyberstalking Harms

Cyberstalking can be terribly frightening. It can destroy friendships, credit, careers, self-image, and confidence. Ultimately it can lead the victim into far greater physical danger when combined with real-world stalking. Yes, we're talking serious stuff here. Victims of domestic violence are often cyberstalking victims. They, like everybody else, need to be aware that technology can make cyberstalking easy. Spyware software can be used to monitor everything happening on your computer or cell phone, giving tremendous power and information to cyberstalkers.

Anti-Stalking Tips

Here are a few important pointers to help you thwart cyberstalking, whether it's directed at you, your PC, or your family:

• Maintain vigilance over physical access to your computer and other Web-enabled devices like cell phones. Cyberstalkers use software and hardware devices (sometimes attached to the back of your PC without you even knowing) to monitor their victims.
• Be sure you always log out of your computer programs when you step away from the computer and use a screensaver with a password. The same goes for passwords on cell phones. Your kids and your spouse should develop the same good habits.
• Make sure to practice good password management and security. Never share your passwords with others. And be sure to change your passwords frequently! This is very important.
• Do an online search for your name or your family members' now and then to see what's available about you and your kids online. Don't be shy about searching social networks (including your friends' and colleagues'), and be sure to remove anything private or inappropriate.
• Delete or make private any online calendars or itineraries--even on your social network--where you list events you plan to attend. They could let a stalker know where you're planning to be and when.
• Use the privacy settings in all your online accounts to limit your online sharing with those outside your trusted circle. You can use these settings to opt out of having your profile appear when someone searches for your name. You can block people from seeing your posts and photos, too.
• If you suspect that someone is using spyware software to track your everyday activities, and you feel as if you're in danger, only use public computers or telephones to seek help. Otherwise, your efforts to get help will be known to your cyberstalker and this may leave you in even greater danger.
• As always, use good, updated security software to prevent someone from getting spyware onto your computer via a phishing attack or an infected Web page. Check the app store for your mobile devices to see what security software is available. Or visit the Norton Mobile page to see what programs are available for your device's platform. Security software could allow you to detect spyware on your device and decrease your chances of being stalked.

Teach Your Children

You might sound like a broken record, but for the cyber safety of kids, keep on telling your kids they should never provide any personal information about themselves online, no matter how safe they think it might be. Tell them never to indicate their real name, school, address, or even the city where they live. Phone numbers are not to be distributed online, and if a stranger contacts them via any method, they need to let you know right away. Encourage your kids to tell you if they're being cyberstalked. As parents, you should report cyberstalking to a teacher or school administrator and, if it seems serious, the police.

Report It

If you're being cyberstalked, remember to keep a copy of any message or online image that could serve as proof. In fact, show your children how to use the "print screen" or other keyboard functions to save screenshots.

Most important, don't be afraid to report cyberstalking to the police. Many police departments have cybercrime units, and cyberstalking is a crime.